Evangelical Christians across the United States celebrated and cheered the recently signed CAFTA agreement, announcing that it was one more sign that Christ was returning to judge the sinners of America. " That giant sucking sound you hear,", Coral Ridge Pastor Kennedy said to this reporter, "It's not just the sound of American jobs disappearing, it's the fiery breath of Lord God Himself, preparing for the Rapture! Real Christians, and I'm not talking about those Idol Worshipping Papists or the annoying Jemimah's Witnesses or those Triple Damned To Hell for Three Eternities Latter Day Saints fakers, just us real Southern Baptists and maybe a few Seventh Day Adventists and Snake Handlers, aren't going to need jobs by the end of this year, or next year at the latest, because we are going to Heaven toot sweet! In heaven each and every Evangelical is going to have one heathen slave for every penny they have ever sent to the Coral Ridge Hour of Power show, and they ain't gonna have to lift a finger or do a smidgeon of work no moh, ever agin!".
" Jobs are for suckers who haven't read our books and accepted the new scripture into their hearts.", agreed the authors of the best selling "Left Behind" series. " If you're a dirty jew, or a filthy sand nigger raghead, or a presbyterian or methodist or God Forbid a half-pap episcopalian, then you can worry about CAFTA, because your sorry ass is GOING TO BE LEFT BEHIND!". (Excuse me while I wipe the rabid slather from my lips, he apologized...). "But we Righteous and Only Beloved of God Evangelicals stand %100 percent behind our noble corporate boards and their adoring servants the God Fearing Republicans in their decision to sell the American worker down the river and into permanent lower class status, because we know the End of the World is Nigh and jobs are a thing of the past."
God was contacted for comment but He did not return our phone calls.
Spectacular Everyday Fractals
12 years ago
3 comments:
Enjoy the brimstone you asshole.
Brimstone only goes well with Diet Coke, or maybe Mr. Pibb.
Remember, Mr. anonymous, Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an Asshole!
Yeshuah, if there was a Yeshuah, seems like a cool dude, and I've always had the greatest respect for the man, despite the lack of evidence for his physical existence as a human. I'd like to think he did exist. I tend to agree with Robert Funk that some individual did say some of the lines in the gospels attributed to Yeshuah.
Jesus is the creation of men who built a god-man according to a hoary tradition, and as such Jesus is regularly abused by men in their endless quest to dominate other men.
The ideal of the Christ is hauntingly beautiful, its just been ruined by the lust for power of all-too-human men.
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